hospital, Mental Health, Mental Illnesses

Schizoaffective 

Re diagnosed as having Schizoaffective disorder. It is a mix of some form of schizophrenia and mood disorders. So it’s like a clusterfuck of shit bits everywhere in every fucking direction and I researched it and NO WONDER I’m not getting better. I was being treated for Paranoid Schizophrenia and BPD. I’m now going into a planned admission for a long while around 2 months long. I need my medications tampered with. I’m starting with lowering the anti depressant because it does absolutely jack diddly squat for anxiety or depression and I have to come off my anti psychotic because it’s used my general psychoses and psychotic symptoms and it’s a run of the mill kinda one not really specified to any particular illness just general symptoms of psychosis. 

160mg of Ziprasidone a day (one 80mg tablet morning and night)

100mg of Prestique (one tablet in the morning) 

1800mg of Lithium (two 450mg tablets morningand night)

1mg benztropine (one tablet at night)

100mg of Seroquel (one tablet at night)

Also looking at going back of Largactil for sleep instead of seroquel. Perhaps temazepam. Not sure yet. One step at a time. Also the replacement antipsychotic will be Clozapine most likely. I have a list of tablets I actually haven’t tried and need to give it to the doctor and decide which to try. 

Tomorrow I set the date when I go in. Nervous as hell.

Also the Australian in me is strong as you can probably tell haha.

– Amy xx

P.s. what medications are you guys on if you are and what dose and what for? Curious is all ­čÖé 

Advertisements
Borderline personality disorder, Eating Disorders, Mental Health, Mental Illnesses

Good? Yeah, nah. 

**TRIGGER WARNING**

My anxiety is going through the roof. My panic attacks are getting more intense and harder to get out of. 

My eating disorder is re emerging. I’m starting a fruit and vegetable diet. Strictly healthy, mostly 0 calorie foods. Even if they have calories max has to be 100 per item, maybe some yogurt, max 150 cal per yogurt though. And im going to buy a sports bra because my boobs are way too big to run without one haha. But I will lose weight and I will be happy with my body no matter what it takes. I get really anxious having to eat junk food in front of people. The odd junk meal here and there is acceptable, any more and I might have to start purging again. And anything more that a 1000 cal intake I have to burn off. I am sick of being fat. I’ve got 15kgs to lose to even accept my body as “normal”. I am realistically aiming for 5kgs a month. That’s with running 2 times a day and toning exercises. I will get my skinny body back, I’ll be damned if I let anything stop me. 

I start next week, I have already eaten and drank so much junk. And I don’t have a sports bra yet and good running shoes. 

-Amy xx

This is me currently. I still have my baby pouch and this just disgusts me

Eating Disorders, Mental Health, Mental Illnesses

Body Positive #2

Being body positive isn’t necessarily about your tummy or thighs, it’s all round confidence in how you look from your glasses to your hair colour, etc. I got a huge confidence boost dying my hair red and going back to my favourite fashion style. I’m a punk chick who loves jeans, band t shirts, and leather jackets with boots and that’s how I like it. 
Moral of the story, don’t be afraid to dress/look the way you want. You do what makes YOU happy! 

– Amy x

Borderline personality disorder, Eating Disorders, hospital, Mental Health, Mental Illnesses

Patient Inpatient #3

So much has happened. The doctor went behind my back and called child safety on me even though I’m in a ward and haven’t had one meltdown and I’m doing everything they ask but they are continuously fucking me over. I’m trying so hard to get better. Isn’t that enough? I am on the verge of screaming and smashing my head through a wall. I might as well as the fucking child safety dont count me as stable anyway. 

I have never wanted to die this much since before I was pregnant. 

If I get hit by a truck today I literally wouldn’t care. 

Mental Health, Mental Illnesses, Philosophy, Uncategorized

The Road to Recovery

It’s a long hard road with lots of twists and turns and bumps and potholes and speed bumps, sometimes you even fall backwards a few steps.

The length of the road scares people, including myself. It seems so far away but it reality you aren’t walking, you are driving and you will get there when you are meant to.

The twists and turns are challenging you and your will power to keep going and get back on the straight path.

The speed bumps are there to slow you down because after step on this road needs to planned and you have to be ready to move forward. The speed bumps slow you down so you can think about the next steps.

You might fall into a hole sometimes, but that is testing your strength. With this step you prove you have the ability and power to lift yourself up and keep going.

Going up a hill is another challenge. Rolling backwards to the bottom is a part of the journey. No matter who you are, there will always be a time when you back peddle. That is OK. 

Everyone can get over the hill, even if it feels like a mountain. Everyone can recover. It’s a matter of determination and effort.

– Amy xx

Mental Health, Mental Illnesses

Panic! At The Hospo

The psychiatrist at the mother baby unit wants to have a huge meeting with all my supports. He wants to take me off Ziprasidone and put me on something he thinks will suit and help my symptoms more. It’s an anit psychotic and a mood stablished. But the wants me in the community to do it. 

I’m not good at coming off meds in hospital let alone doing it at home. He wants to send me home and come back to the mother baby unit I’m in. My mum isn’t going to be happy. Pretty sure I know this is where it’s going to end.

I’m going to have to go back to into a normal adult ward. The Dr also said it will take a month to get shit sorted so I hope I’m not in there for that long. 
My anxiety about the meeting is going nuts. Not knowing what’s going to happen is also contributing to that. 

Just gotta play the game. 

-Amy xx