hospital, Mental Health, Mental Illnesses

SchizoaffectiveĀ 

Re diagnosed as having Schizoaffective disorder. It is a mix of some form of schizophrenia and mood disorders. So it’s like a clusterfuck of shit bits everywhere in every fucking direction and I researched it and NO WONDER I’m not getting better. I was being treated for Paranoid Schizophrenia and BPD. I’m now going into a planned admission for a long while around 2 months long. I need my medications tampered with. I’m starting with lowering the anti depressant because it does absolutely jack diddly squat for anxiety or depression and I have to come off my anti psychotic because it’s used my general psychoses and psychotic symptoms and it’s a run of the mill kinda one not really specified to any particular illness just general symptoms of psychosis. 

160mg of Ziprasidone a day (one 80mg tablet morning and night)

100mg of Prestique (one tablet in the morning) 

1800mg of Lithium (two 450mg tablets morningand night)

1mg benztropine (one tablet at night)

100mg of Seroquel (one tablet at night)

Also looking at going back of Largactil for sleep instead of seroquel. Perhaps temazepam. Not sure yet. One step at a time. Also the replacement antipsychotic will be Clozapine most likely. I have a list of tablets I actually haven’t tried and need to give it to the doctor and decide which to try. 

Tomorrow I set the date when I go in. Nervous as hell.

Also the Australian in me is strong as you can probably tell haha.

– Amy xx

P.s. what medications are you guys on if you are and what dose and what for? Curious is all šŸ™‚ 

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Eating Disorders, Mental Health, Mental Illnesses

Body Positive #2

Being body positive isn’t necessarily about your tummy or thighs, it’s all round confidence in how you look from your glasses to your hair colour, etc. I got a huge confidence boost dying my hair red and going back to my favourite fashion style. I’m a punk chick who loves jeans, band t shirts, and leather jackets with boots and that’s how I like it. 
Moral of the story, don’t be afraid to dress/look the way you want. You do what makes YOU happy! 

– Amy x

Mental Health, Mental Illnesses, Philosophy, Uncategorized

The Road to Recovery

It’s a long hard road with lots of twists and turns and bumps and potholes and speed bumps, sometimes you even fall backwards a few steps.

The length of the road scares people, including myself. It seems so far away but it reality you aren’t walking, you are driving and you will get there when you are meant to.

The twists and turns are challenging you and your will power to keep going and get back on the straight path.

The speed bumps are there to slow you down because after step on this road needs to planned and you have to be ready to move forward. The speed bumps slow you down so you can think about the next steps.

You might fall into a hole sometimes, but that is testing your strength. With this step you prove you have the ability and power to lift yourself up and keep going.

Going up a hill is another challenge. Rolling backwards to the bottom is a part of the journey. No matter who you are, there will always be a time when you back peddle. That is OK. 

Everyone can get over the hill, even if it feels like a mountain. Everyone can recover. It’s a matter of determination and effort.

– Amy xx

Mental Health

A patient InpatientĀ 

I’m currently in a mother baby psych unit. If i was doing will, it would pretty much be a holiday. I have my own room with Alexander and it’s massive! I get a couch bassinet, double bed and closets. The food is much better than QLD hospital food. This stuff is actually edible. I’m back on Valium and I’m a bit dopey in the morning and at night. I try not to use it during the day so I can stay awake and alert. 

It’s going to be a bit easier to lose weight in here. There aren’t a lot of temptations and it’s going to be easier to exercise. I’ve got 2 or so weeks to lose at least 2 kgs or more. If I don’t eat too much I’m thinking about purging it. 

Hopefully I can start to curb the binge eating habits so I wouldn’t have to purge. 

I’ve been an inpatient 31 times including this admission. The difference in mental health programs and facilities of QLD to VIC is crazy. There is nothing like this for women who have a baby and need help around both themselves and coping with the baby while dealing with symptoms 

That’s all for now.

– Amy x

Mental Health

Early HallucinationsĀ 

Hallucinations are hard to handle at the best of times let alone when nobody knows. 

People asked me why I dropped out of school in grade 10. It’s easier for me to say, “School just wasn’t easy for me.” But in reality, my Hallucinations were too bad to continue functioning. 

People would move their mouth to talk but their voice didn’t come out, it was a low demonic voice. The words on the white board and text book with rearrange to tell me to kill myself or other awful things.

I got in trouble a lot for not paying attention. It’s hard to focus when your teachers head in rotating in a 360 degree circle. Their eyes would pop out and fall on the floor or their arm or leg would start decaying and just fall off. Sometimes their jaws unhinged and their eyes went missing. If they were talking to me sometimes their tongues would fall out of their mouths. It wasn’t just at school though.

Some days when it’s time for bed I would walk into my room and I would see all my friends dead bodies covering every inch of my carpet and it smelt so disgusting. I had to climb over them to get to my bed and I could hear and feel them squishing beneath my feet. 

I also had a problem with getting out of bed. I always saw crocodiles swimming in my liquified carpet. I ended up thinking my dad was a cyborg.

Well… that’s part of what I used to deal with. 

-Amy x

Mental Health

The Purge

I have struggled with Bulimia since I was twelve. My nan kept saying how big I was and how I wasn’t in the “light weight” category. And people used to make fun of my baby fat in bikinis. So I starting not eating but I got so hungry I would eat everything and anything in sight. I looked up on the computer ways to lose weight and a blog about bulimia came up and I read that she made herself vomit all the food up. I tried it and it was horrible but as I got older and more fixated on weight loss I got used to purging and that started my binge/purge cycle. I’m still struggling with my weight and I was I could purge. I put on so much weight during pregnancy and afterwards.  I always feel fat and gross and I can’t look in the mirror without wanting to shoot myself. 

I just want to be skinny šŸ˜¦

-Amy x