Mental Health, Mental Illnesses

5 degrees of Recovery

I personally put together the five stages in which my recovery has and will go through. Not sure about anybody else but this is my theory of recovering in stages. 
Stage one is flailing and reaching breaking point, a hypothetical self destruct button that your brain pushes when things are overwhelming. I think a lot of people have this self destruct button for when things get overwhelming. It pushes itself and we blow up and do anything to cope with the pieces that go missing and can’t be retrieved.
Stage two is finding the pieces and accepting some are so lost you will never get them back. Picking yourself up. The only way to go from rock bottom, is up.
Stage three would be finding good pieces that might not be the same but they will do the trick to replace the holes missing. You will never be the same, but you have to work with it. Medication at this point would be a good aid.
Stage four would be starting to fix and glue yourself and putting all the parts back together. This is where all the therapy to work with medication to eventually function without the meds.
The last stage is self love and acceptance. You might never be the same but you fixed yourself the best you can, better than anyone else could and you accept that and be bloody proud because god dammit it was hard to get to that stage.

I’m at stage four. It took me 5 years to get here. And no one can tell you when you move from stage four to five. It just sort of happens I assume and one day I will look back and see when it happened and I’m gonna work hard to get there 🙂

Where do you lovely readers think you are? In which stage do you think? Curious to read your perspective and opinions 🙂 
-Amy x

Mental Health

Paranoid Activity

The first and biggest thing I am paranoid about, is people/demons are out to get me and my family. Sometimes when I am in A psychotic episode, I am convinced even my family is trying to kill me or feed me to demons. I used to cleanse my room with white sage and put warding crystals in my room to kill demons if they dare enter. 

I hate germs. I can’t push elevator buttons. It makes me feel like puking just thinking about it. I don’t hold escalator rails or shopping trolleys without having hand sanitizer nearby so I can use it after touching it. I don’t let my young siblings play with toys in the Drs waiting room because that’s just asking for diseases.

I always think people are staring at me and talking about me. I will literally hear my name and see them staring and then laughing. 

For two years I woke up every two hours, if I even slept in between, I unlocked and locked every window and door with a key. Like clockwork I got up every two hours to do it. 

Due to events, I sleep with a metal crowbar and a wooden axe handle under my bed.

It took me years to make these behaviors less detrimental in my life. If I went to a new friends how I never ate anything off their plates or left overs that I hadn’t seen be cooked. If I was there for two days, I wouldn’t eat for those two days. 

I used to believe that the government was trying to poison me through vitamins and minerals tablets. It sounds ridiculous when I say it aloud. 

If I haven’t had a text from mum or dad for two hours and they are both out, I start thinking something has gone wrong and expecting a call from a hospital because they have been robbed or in a car accident or they were victims of terror attacks. 

That’s about it… anyway what are you guys paranoid about? 

-Amy x